i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
