The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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