it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
