Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
