Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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