WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
