I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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