Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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