You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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