i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
