strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
