So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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