He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I understand Curling. That high.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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