So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
