You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
