i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
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