if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
