I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
