i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
