Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
