Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
