i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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