he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
