there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
