planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
