for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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