did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
