This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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