At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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