you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
