he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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