Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
