I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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