wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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