mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
