Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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