i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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