Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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