Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
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