There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
