its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
