I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
