the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
