We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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