A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
we have officially lost it.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He better not be in your backpack
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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