So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
