Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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