he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
