Just cropdusted the office
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
