i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
