So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The beer is more important than you right now.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
