How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
