I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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