You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
did i just pee glitter
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
